Isang Pagsusuri

Nasubukan nyo na bang maasar sa isang tao ng todo-todo? Yun bang gusto nyo mawala na lang ito sa buhay mo at wag na itong magpakita kailanman. Opppss...hinay-hinay lang. Huminga ng malalim. Be objective. Suriin mo muna ang mga pangyayari baka hindi naman sinasadya ng tao o kaya naman nakatagpo ka ng taong ugali lang ang mang-asar.

Base sa aking karanasan, nakakaramdam lang ako ng pagka-asar sa mga taong malapit sa akin. Madali akong maasar pero mas madaling mawala ito, unting eksplanasyon lang pwedi na. Swerte ako sa mga kaibigan dahil hindi pa naman umabot sa sukdulan ang aking pagka-asar. Wag naman sanang umabot dun.

Last year, naasar ako kay DG dahil sa pang-iindyan niya sa lakad ng grupo. Okay lang sa akin kung hindi siya makakarating pero yung sabihin na darating at parating na siya tapos hindi naman pala. Hanggang matapos ang pagtitipon ay ni anino niya ay hindi nakarating. Ibang usapan na yun. Dahil naasar ako ng todo, ang aking nagawang depensa ay manahimik. Hindi ko na sinagot ang tawag, text at email niya after that (which is so unlikely of me). Wala din akong maramdamang guilt feeling habang ginagawa ko ito. Nawalan talaga ako ng gana. Dumaan ang Pasko, Bagong Taon at iba pa. Deadma talaga ako. Tumataas pala ang pride ko pag naasar. Hindi naman nagtagal ay parang walang nangyari. Naging close ulit. Atleast naiparating ko sa aking kaibigan na tunay namang nakakaasar ang nagawa niya so pls lang wag na niyang ulitin. (Note: Si DG ay ang aking kaibigan na tunay kong maaasahan sa oras ng kagipitan. Tried and tested na ito ika nga. Never niya akong naasar, isang beses lang talaga kasi mas malakas naman akong mang-asar sa kanya. peace!)

Ilang bagay na tunay namang nakakapagpa-asar sa akin:
1) hindi pagsagot sa call o kaya naman di pag-reply sa text (medyo malaking issue ito sa akin kasi hindi ko ito gawain. ginagawa ko lang ito pag me problema ako sa tao)
2) hindi pagsunod sa oras ng usapan. ayaw na ayaw kong nag-aantay (except kung sa bookstore ang meeting place) tapos di pa sinasagot ang phone.
3) hindi pagsunod sa salita o pangako (nai-blog ko na ito dito at may titulong Word of Honor).

Meron ding ilang bagay na nakakapagparamdam sa akin ng pagka-asar pero hindi dapat- dahil alam kong wala akong dahilan para maasar. Malinis ang konsensya ng kinaasaran ko dito, ako ang may problema sa sitwasyong ito. (ito yung gusto kong baguhin ko sa sarili ko). Hindi ko na ito isa-isahin dahil nakakahiya. Wala na nga akong mukhang inihaharap dito. Baka pati likod ko ay mahiya na ding magpakita.lol.

Waiting For a Star to Fall

When I was new here in Dubai, the novel 'The Alchemist' by Paulo Coehlo became my instant fave. It talks about the life journey of a boy named Santiago which anyone could relate to. I recommended this book to all of my friends. It was like reading your very own life journey.

These lines had caught my attention big time-also posted on my Friendster account.

"If what one finds is made of pure matter, it will never spoil. And one can always come back. But if what you had found was only a moment of light, like the explosion of star, you would find nothing on your return."- The Alchemist

The Secret Keeper

I am known as 'madaldal' to all my circle of friends which until now i'm trying to disprove :-). I was telling them that the real me is really 'tahimik', they just have to look deeper. But all they can hear is my loud voice. lol.

I was invited to a birthday party of friend/(busmate) last week. The venue was at Chowking's Al Ghurair. She told me 'tayo-tayo lang' & she would be glad if i can join the celebration. Of course, i will be there i told her, i wouldn't miss it for anything. I and another friend of mine went there and we were suprised that there's really a party going on. i mean with party games, baloons, cakes, wishes etc. When the emcee asked for well-wishers, i did'nt give mine. i really feel shy. I went to the birthday girl instead and whisper my wishes to her. :-)

The birthday girl is crying for the overwhelming love she receives from her housemates, ex-housemates and friends. She thanked everyone. And do you know what she had told about me? "This friend of mine always makes me laugh inside the bus. I don't know but she has this gift." While saying this, all her friends looked at my direction in amazement. I was just assuming they were, 'seryoso kasi talaga ako sa personal at medyo may pagka-snob daw'. With her telling everyone this, hindi ako tinigilan ng mga kaibigan niya. There is this videoke portion in the party. Pinakanta nila ako. My gosh?!!! kumanta naman ako for the love of the birthday girl. Nag-duet kami. Kinalimutan ko muna ang kahihiyan ko. It was such a fun though knowing na meron kang napapasaya in your own little ways.

But believe it or not, despite of being tagged as 'madaldal' among my friends. I am their secrets' keeper. I can really keep a secret. It's against my ideals to divulge what is entrusted to me. Though if the secret is bigger than me & therefore couldn't keep it, i would tell my friend honestly about it.

I'm not only a secret keeper. I also find ways for every secret to come out in it natural course. It should never come from me though. I don't really like to be a secret keeper for I do believe in the saying 'The truth will set us all free.' I hate it when someone's tell lies for whatever reasons.

Shopping Spree for Myself!

Earlier today, I went to our company sale in World Trade Center Exhibition Hall 3 & 4. Our company is the main distributor of luxury brands (such as LV, Fendi, Cerutti, RL, MMJ, Dior, Lacoste, Loreal and many more) here in the Middle East. I am never a fan of luxury brands for the reason that I have a lot more important things to spend my money with. I am really strict when it comes to my own finances. Would you believe I never allow my bank to charge me an interest on my credit card since? I always pay my full balance due on time. The secret is I only buy what I can pay. I make sure I live within my means. (This I always remind & explain to some of my friends-how to manage a credit card). I also do not buy things impulsively. I only buy what I really need. I'm proud to say that I have a strong control on this department. I do not fall on the shopaholic category. Never.

Our company sale which is a two-day sale happens twice a year, every May & Nov. Employees & their spouses (if married) have special privilege shopping hours from 12:00 to 3:00pm on the first day of sale. The sale will then offcially open to public from 3:30 to 8:00pm on the first day and from 10:00am to 8:00pm the following day.

Since this probably would be my last sale in the company (i will blog about this soon), I decided to go there. When you're about to lose something, that's the time you'll realize the importance of this thing. So, I savored every moment of the sale before it's too late. lol. I and a shopaholic friend met there. And the end result is.....I spent quite a lot and mostly are for myself. It's beyond my monthly budget limit but I actually felt good after buying all these things. This considering I am really 'matipid' to myself. I do not want luxury in my life. I can wholeheartedly buy expensive things for my friends and families but not for myself. It takes a lot of thinking before I can treat myself to such kind of shopping spree. I do not want to feel guilty in the end. Now you probably know why I've written all these explanations. :-)

Below are pics of those things that I bought for myself. I haven't included pics of those for my friends and families (mostly perfumes), I don't want to preempt my presents to them. If in case you happen to receive a presents from me, i want to reiterate it's always comes from my heart. it got nothing to do with my battle against my being 'matipid' to myself. I 'm continously working on it. My shopaholic friend told me, I should learn to treat myself right. I agreed to her completely only on this occassion. :-)

a Polo Ralph Lauren polo shirt

polo shirt is really my fave wardrobe of all time.

i find it very comfortable to wear.

another Polo Ralph Lauren Polo Shirt

i just can't get enough of them. :-)

a sweatshirt from Polo Ralph Lauren

it's getting cold here in Dubai. i definitely need this. :-)


flat denim shoes from Lacoste
i wear my polo shirt with denim jeans.
these shoes would be a perfect match/combination. :-)

Insecure

Bago ako mag-blog ngayon, bumisita muna ako sa mga sinusubaybayan kong blog. Ang galing talaga nilang magsulat! Napapahanga ako sa mga gawa nila. Para sa akin ay maikokonsidera na itong mga obra maestro! Taas talaga ang mga kamay ko sa mga blogger na ito (isama ko na din ang mga paa ko. lol.). Nakaramdam tuloy ako ng insecurity para sa blog ko.

Ginagawa ko naman ang lahat para mapaganda ito. Buhos ang atensyon ko at naglalaan talaga ako ng oras para dito. Walang oras na hindi ko ito naiisip. Araw-araw ay lagi ko itong naaalala. Gusto ko lagi itong maganda at nasa ayos. Gumagawa ako ng paraan para araw-araw kaming magkasama. Pero bakit ganun? Parang kulang pa rin. Hindi pa rin sapat ang effort ko. Wala pa din akong ka-blog roll. :-(

Iniisip ko ganito talaga siguro ang buhay. Hindi ko mapipilit ang iba na gustuhin ang gusto ko kung ayaw nila. Lalong hindi ko mapipilit na gustuhin ako ng ayaw sa akin. Pero hindi pa rin ako nawawalan ng pag-asa. Mag-aantay pa rin ako. This time, hindi ako maiinip.

Free Gifts

Every good and perfect gift is from above,

coming down from the Father of

the heavenly lights, who does not

change like shifting shadows.

James 1:17

Late na akong nagising kaninang umaga dahil sa kaka-blog ko hanggang madaling araw (adik na ako talaga). Muntik pa akong maiwanan ng bus service namin. Buti na lang mababait ang mga kasama ko sa bus at inantay nila ako. Nakiayon din ang driver namin na Indian lagi naman daw kasi akong on-time. Salamat RE & Lalu! :-)

Tumakbo talaga ako papuntang pick-up point para hindi masyadong nakakahiya. Hingal na hingal ako pagka-upo ko sa bus. Tiningnan ko mga kasama ko nandun, mga nakangiti pa naman. Pag umaga, wala munang masyadong kwentuhan sa bus. Reserved ang mga kwento pag uwian. Pero kanina medyo naiba. Tinupad na kasi ng isa naming kasama sa service ang kanyang ipinangakong 'ham and cheese sandwich!'. Meron kaming breakfast inside the bus. Siguro mga isang buwan ko ng kinukulit na magdala ng ham and cheese sandwich itong kaibigan kong ito. Natakam kasi ako dito minsang nabanggit ito sa aming kwentuhan. Pareho kami ng probinsyang pinanggalingan kaya madali kaming naging close nito. Nagkakaintindihan kami, we speak the same language ika nga. Sabi nga niya 2.5 hours lang daw ang naging tulog niya dahil sa paggawa nito. Pero sulit naman, masarap talaga siya! Lahat kaming kabayan ay nakakain, pati syempre si mamang driver. Sobrang saya ko talaga dahil dito. Special request ko kasi ito. Tig-isa isa lang ang lahat, samantalang ako naka-tatlo (2 lang talaga dapat, kaso hindi sumabay sa service yung isa)..hehe..At my disposal ko daw ang mga ito. Thanks EG! :-)

Naalala ko kaninang pauwi kami from work na kailangan ko na palang magbayad ng aking kautangan para free of interest charge ako. Bumaba ako sa Khalid Bin Waleed Station para sumakay ng Dubai Metro papuntang Deira City Centre para dun magbayad. Madami na ang sumasakay sa Metro ngayon. Walang available seat ng pumasok ako sa train. Ang daming lalaking nakaupo tapos ang mga babae nakatayo. Pero deadma ang mga ito. Biglang tumayo si kabayan, pinaupo ako. na-touch naman ako at naging proud as Filipino. Meron pa ring gentleman sa mga panahong ito :-).

Pagkababa sa train, pila palabas ng station. May foreigner (isang Kenyan) na tumawag sa pangalan ko. Medyo malabo mata ko, nde ko ma-recognize kung sino pero nginitian ko pa din. Nilapitan ako. Grabeh, small world yung dati ko palang seatmate sa bus service namin sa current company ko. Nag-resign siya last year & first time namin magkita ulit. Kwento kwento ng mga pangyayari sa work namin. Papunta rin siya sa mall kaya nagsabay na kami. Magkikita daw sila dun ng husband niya. Siya ang pinakauna kong seatmate at naging close noong bago pa lang ako sa company. Palagi kasi akong huli pag pauwi, sakto naman lagi siyang walang katabi. Siya lang kasi ang Kenyan tapos puro Pinoy at Indian na lahat. Sa araw-araw naming magkatabi sa bus ay nalaman na namin ang mga kwento ng buhay namin. Naipakilala ko pa sa kanya ang lutong pinoy na sinigang. Isinama ko siya minsan sa De Belchior, kung saan lahat ng tinda ay galing Pinas. Bagong kasal lang siya nun kaya super kilig siya pag nagkukwento ng kanyang love story. Ofismeyt niya dati ang napangasawa, Kenyan din. Nabanggit din niya sa akin na nag-Runaway Bride siya kaya napadpad siya sa Dubai. Habang naglalakad kami ay kita mo ang excitement sa kanya. Ipapakilala daw niya ako sa husband niya. Medyo mabigat ang dugo ko sa mga lalaking foreigner pero nagpaunlak naman ako. Sabi ko sige para naman makita ko kung bakit kilig na kilig siya sa asawa niya. Gosh!!?!!, grabeh medyo napatulala pa yata ako kasi as in ang guwapo ng asawa niya ala Will Smith ang dating! Nagpunta kami sa isang coffee shop at dun nag-chikahan. Nagpaalam ako sa kanila para puntahan ang aking sadya bago pa man magsara ang bangko at bago pa ako maubusan ng english. :-)

Pagkapasok ko sa bangko, kuha agad ako ng ticket number at dumiretso sa kung saan nagfifill-up ng bank slip. Kakasimula ko lang nang tawagin na ang number ko. Kabubukas lang ng bagong counter. Kabayan ang teller kaya tinanong ko kung okay lang ba yun. Ang bait ni kabayan, inasikaso niya ako talaga. Pag lumampas kasi number mo dun, uulit ka na na naman. Kukuha ka na naman ng another number. Kaya maraming salamat kay kabayan dahil mabilis akong natapos.

Pauwi na ako ng maisipan kong dumaan sa isang pharmacy store. Bumili ako ng gamot para sa taghiyawat. Naglalabasan na naman kasi sila dahil sa kakapuyat ko sa pagba-blog. Pero dahil mas priority ko ngayon ang blogging kesa sa mukha ko ibig sabihin magpupuyat pa rin ako, kaya bumili na lang ako ng gamot para atleast may pangontra lang. hehe..Nakilala ko si kabayan, promoter ng brand ng gamot ng binili ko. Madami daw kasamang free products ang binili ko. Balik daw ako sa Sabado at hanapin siya para ibigay niya sa akin. Dadamihan daw niya ang ibibigay sa akin. Without hesitation, for sure andun ako sa sabado. Hindi ko ito palalampasin. Naniniwala din kasi ako na "The best things in life are free."

One Step At A Time

I love listening to music. I could stay all day at home just doing this. When my younger brother (who's working in Taiwan then) asked me what I want to receive from him, I immediately requested an iPod. That was in early 2007. Since then, my iPod has always been with me and stayed with me in good times and bad times.

I have also this habit of looking deeply to the meaning of its lyrics. When I really like a particular song, I would 'google' the lyrics and sing it over and over again 'til it sink in to my mind. Like what I'm currently doing (while blogging) :-)

My latest fave song is the "One Step At A Time" by Jordan Sparks. I heard it before but it is only just today that it caught my attention. It was played by the radio station we are tuning into inside our bus service on our way home from office. I find its melody awesome. But what I really like most is its lyrics for it defines what I exactly feel nowadays.

I wanted to put mp3 of this song in this blog. But I don't know how. I've been trying to do it for almost 4 hours (it's now 1:50 am here) but I'm no successful. I still need to do some further research and a careful analysis on this. Meantime, the lyrics would be enough- one step at a time.

"One Step At A Time"

Hurry up and wait

So close, but so far away

Everything that you've always dreamed of

Close enough for you to taste

But you just can't touch

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet

Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it

You know you can if you get the chance

In your face as the door keeps slamming

Now you're feeling more and more frustrated

And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

[Chorus:]

We live and we learn to take

One step at a time

There's no need to rush

It's like learning to fly

Or falling in love

It's gonna happen and it's

Supposed to happen and we

Find the reasons why

One step at a time

You believe and you doubt

You're confused, you got it all figured out

Everything that you always wished for

Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours

If they only knew

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet

Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it

You know you can if you get the chance

In your face as the door keeps slamming

Now you're feeling more and more frustrated

And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

[Chorus]

When you can't wait any longer

But there's no end in sight

when you need to find the strength

It's your faith that makes you stronger

The only way you get there Is one step at a time

[Chorus x2]